At 1:10 this morning, my cousins' / godsisters' grandmother died. Before you start to feel sorry for us, she was 97 and very ready to go home. My best friend's great great aunt is currently making her journey home also, as I see it, she's still saying her goodbyes. Once again before waves of sympathy and empathy roll over you, she is 91 and very ready to go home.
Now one would think that the similarities of these two cases to mine would paralyze me with dread and fear. Why do I say this? Well Elaine Knutt (or Granny as I knew her *97*) was the caretaker for her adopted daughter and subsequently helped her raised her two daughters, my godsisters. When time took its toll on her quality of life the family opted to be her caretakers as opposed to putting her in a nursing home, despite the fact that she was blind and her mobility was greatly impaired by the ravishes of time. The result? She died peacefully in her sleep surrounded by the people who loved her most, her granddaughters and her great grandson ( who is my godson and the fabulous chef from my earlier post *Jacob Bakes*) She was not speaking in her last few months. Her vocal utterances had been limited to "Eh?" every time Jacob called her, and he called often :- ) because he liked to talk to Granny in the bedroom. Despite this her final words to each of her immediate family members (note well at different intervals) was I love you, something that she almost never said during her long life ( trust me when I say Granny wasn't easy, you were most likely to be called a "bitch on two stick" lol I kid you not, I never knew where she got that phrase from.)
Granny showed affection by bribery, lol and let the congregation say " I RECEIVE!!!" ;-p. If you were a child that played by Auntie Debra you would be a horrible liar if you said that Granny never gave you a sweetie, a chocolate and the most important Bermudez vanilla buscuits. Usually, you got them all at one and if you were really greedy and a little smart, because Granny was blind you could wrangle a double share. Granny will be legendary for years to come.
Eva Jacob (or Tantie *91*) came into my life much later than Granny, Her great,great niece is my best friend. The first time I met her we were in Form Three and I had gone to their house after school. She was cooking and without missing a beat she greeted us and threatened Diva's brother with a pot spoon, all at once. We build the oldies differently here in Trinidad & Tobago. They not easy lol. I liked Tantie off the bat and we struck up a friendship.
Years later I ended up working at their house and although I had always been aware of her development, the impact of 3 strokes on her was obvious. As in the case of Granny, her mobility was impaired as well as her speech and I'll take the liberty to say also her temperament. But she is still too sweet and her family also decided to undertake that monumental task of home care. She likes it when I comb her hair. I don't know if she ever realised that I just like playing in it lol, I think I'll tell her before I don't get a chance to. Recently her condition has deteriorated, and her quality of life has very little life left to it. But Eva Jacob still has love to give and she not going anywhere until she gives it. When she's done, however, it is our duty to let her go.
So you would think that my butt pegs would be clapping, for those of you who don't know I live alone with my grandmother (or Attie as I have always known her to be). She is 87 and bedridden permanently( well only because she doesn't like her wheelchair) from a broken hip. It is inoperable. For the past 3 1/2 years I have experienced the highs and abysmal lows of caring for the elderly because I have also opted home care. At the moment I am her sole caretaker. It is hard. But you see, like these other two marvelous women I have described, my grandmother raised me. My mother died when I was 8, my grandmother raised me on her own as if I were her child. She is definitely not an easy woman to deal with. Sometimes when we all compared stories I would wonder if these old ladies were going for the pageant title of Old Miss Cantankerous and we were were in the audience.
The difference, however, I realised between these ladies is actually their biggest similarities. Granny knew that she would be gone soon, Tantie knows that she is going and Attie, although it took her a while but as the baby of the group (after all 87 makes her the spring chicken) she knows that she has a lot of life to live and a lot of love to give still.
I am not naive, the bible speaks of three score and ten and she is past that, and none of us has an expiration stamp on us but I do know this, in this world she is most present and as we spoke today we have agreed to make those moments count. We're going an adventure, Attie and I, we're going to celebrate her life, as she still lives.
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